According to the College Board’s Trends in Student Aid study, 10 percent of people who graduated in 2007-8 with student loans had borrowed $40,000 or more. The median debt for bachelor’s degree recipients who borrowed while attending private, nonprofit colleges was $22,380.
Today's Elites
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Debt Moratoria Redux?
Many years ago a voice in the wilderness cried out for a debt moratorium for the third world. Maybe now the futility of propping up fat cat financiers might hit the mis-educated upon their collective craniums. (perhaps I ask for too much...)
Frank Rich: Illiterate Joker
Here is the salient quote from Rich's pro Obama lament in today's NY Times:
The Tea Party is meanwhile busy rewriting America’s early history under Beck’s tutelage by enforcing a vision of the Constitution tantamount to the Creationists’ view of Genesis. We must obey the words of the founding fathers literally — or what the Tea Partiers think those words to be. (Many Tea Partiers seem unaware that Medicare is a government entitlement postdating Tom Paine.) There can be no evolution or amendments. Any Obama initiatives are sacrilegious. All previous add-ons are un-American and must be pared away, from the Department of Education to the Americans with Disabilities Act.You have got to be kidding me. Tom Paine? Really? Even a sixth grader can Google Tom Paine's jeremiad against Christianity. Oh, what a dunce thou art! You make Sarah Palin look like a genius by comparison, Sirrah Rich Clown.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Open Letter on Rembrandt to Steve DiPaola
This item crossed my computer screen yesterday and elicited the following open letter to Mr DiPaola :
Researcher decodes Rembrandt's 'magic'
May 28, 2010
A University of British Columbia researcher has uncovered what makes Rembrandt's masterful portraits so appealing.
Leonardo, UBC researcher Steve DiPaola argues that Rembrandt may have pioneered a technique that guides the viewer's gaze around a portrait, creating a special narrative and "calmer" viewing experience.
Renaissance artists used various techniques to engage viewers, many incorporating new scientific knowledge on lighting, spatial layout and perspectives. To isolate and pinpoint factors that contribute to the "magic" of Rembrandt's portraits, DiPaola used computer-rendering programs to recreate four of the artist's most famous portraits from photographs of himself and other models. Replicating Rembrandt's techniques, he placed a sharper focus on specific areas of the model's face, such as the eyes.
While I very much agree with your thesis upon the entrainment of visual gaze by the Renaissance artist, I think that this must be understood in the much larger context of a philosophical outlook of the artist as polemicist. Two of Rembrandt's paintings are of particular note in this regard: the Night Watch and Ecce Homo. (There is a film on the polemic in the first, on the second it is extremely relevant that the action is put on stage with the bust of the emperor seemingly gazing down in apparent approval of Christ's judicial murder.) Also Leonardo's notebooks explicitly polemicize against Michelangelo's paintings of human musculature as resembling walnuts versus his chiaroscuro. So, directing the gaze and more importantly the mind of the viewer to a higher standpoint via polemical theatrical irony was highly developed by artists like Rembrandt, Leonardo, Goya and Rafael (School of Athens.) If this is left out of consideration, then the point you quite rightly make suffers from a lack of context.
Thank God for Japan! Bravo!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Nationalize BP
Hugo Chavez thinks Barack has no balls. (Except for basketballs, of course.)
And why has no enterprising speculator designed a website called Nationalize BP.com? And I thought these quants were as smart as rocket scientists. (But then again there's that dope Bob Zubrin, who claims to be a rocket scientist.)
What a world...
And why has no enterprising speculator designed a website called Nationalize BP.com? And I thought these quants were as smart as rocket scientists. (But then again there's that dope Bob Zubrin, who claims to be a rocket scientist.)
What a world...
A Royal Mess, Or The Queen Is Not Amused
The scene: Buckingham Palace
The Queen seen fleetingly and exeunt stage left
Sarah Ferguson enters stage right and hums the Beatles tune "Gimme Money"
Curtain falls.
The Queen seen fleetingly and exeunt stage left
Sarah Ferguson enters stage right and hums the Beatles tune "Gimme Money"
Curtain falls.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
King Pest Obama
Here's a headline for you kiddies today: "As economic worries worsen, White House puts on the glitz"
Edgar Allan Poe's story King Pest (which is, in fact a burlesque of Disraeli's Vivian Grey) aptly summarizes Obama's Nero complex. The White House is the residence of the new King Pest: Barack Obama. I'm sure the guests' jaws will be literally dropping at the President's extravagance.
King Pest
-190-
The gods do bear and will allow in kings
The things which they abhor in rascal routes.
About twelve o'clock, one night in the month of October, and during the chivalrous reign of the third Edward, two seamen belonging to the crew of the Free and Easy, a trading schooner plying between Sluys and the Thames, and then at anchor in that river, were much astonished to find themselves seated in the tap-room of an ale-house in the parish of St Andrews, London -- which ale-house bore for sign the portraiture of a 'Jolly Tar'.
The room, although ill-contrived, smoke-blackened, low-pitched, and in every other respect agreeing with the general character of such places of the period -- was nevertheless, in the opinion of the grotesque groups scattered here and there within it, sufficiently well adapted to its purpose.
Of these groups our two seamen formed, I think,the most interesting, if not the most conspicuous.
The one who appeared to be the elder, and whom his companion
-191-
addressed by the characteristic appellation of 'Legs', was at the same time much the taller of the two. He might have measured six feet and a half, and an habitual stoop in the shoulders seemed to have been the necessary consequence of an altitude so enormous. Superfluities in height were, however, more than accounted for by deficiencies in other respects. He was exceedingly thin; and might, as his associates asserted, have answered, when drunk, for a pennant at the mast-head, or, when sober, have served for a jib-boom. But these jests, and others of a similar nature, had evidently produced, at no time, any effect upon the cachinnatory muscles of the tar. With high cheek-bones, a large hawk-nose, retreating chin, fallen under-jaw, and huge protruding white eyes, the expression of his countenance, although tinged with a species of dogged indifference to matters and things in general, was not the less utterly solemn and serious beyond all attempts at imitation or description.
The younger seaman was, in all outward appearance, the converse of his companion. His stature could not have exceeded four feet. A pair of stumpy bow legs supported his squat, unwieldy figure, while his unusually short and thick arms, with no ordinary fists at their extremities, swung off dangling from his sides like the fins of a sea-turtle. Small eyes, of no particular colour, twinkled far back in his head. His nose remained buried in the mass of flesh which enveloped his round, full, and purple face; and his thick upper-lip rested upon the still thicker one beneath with an air of complacent self-satisfaction, much heightened by the owner's habit of licking them at intervals. He evidently regarded his tall shipmate with a feeling half-wondrous half-quizzical; and stared up occasionally in his face as the red setting sun stares up at the crags of Ben Nevis.
Various and eventful, however, had been the peregrinations of the worthy couple in and about the different tap-houses of the neighbourhood during the earlier hours of the night. Funds, even the most ample, are not always everlasting; and it was with empty pockets our friends had ventured upon the present hostelrie.
At the precise period, then, when this history properly commences, Legs, and his fellow, Hugh Tarpaulin, sat, each with both elbows resting upon the large oak table in the middle of the floor, and with a hand upon either cheek. They were eyeing, from behind a huge flagon of unpaid-for 'humming-stuff', the portentous words, 'No Chalk', which to their indignation
-192-
and astonishment were scored over the door-way by means of that very mineral whose presence they purported to deny. Not that the gift of deciphering written characters -- a gift among the commonalty of that day considered little less cabalistical than the art of inditing -- could, in strict justice, have been laid to the charge of either disciple of the sea; but there was, to say the truth, a certain twist in the formation of the letters -- an indescribable lee-lurch about the whole -- which foreboded, in the opinion of both seamen, a long run of dirty weather; and determined them at once, in the allegorical words of Legs himself, to 'clew up all sail, and scud before the wind'.
Having accordingly disposed of what remained of the ale, and looped up the points of their short doublets, they finally made a bolt for the street. Although Tarpaulin rolled twice into the fireplace, mistaking it for the door, yet their escape was at length happily effected -- and half after twelve o'clock found our heroes ripe for mischief, and running for life down a dark alley in the direction of St Andrew's Stair, hotly pursued by the landlady of the 'Jolly Tar'.
At the epoch of this eventful tale, and periodically, for many years before and after, all England, but more especially the metropolis, resounded with the fearful cry of 'Plague!' The city was in a great measure depopulated -- and in those horrible regions, in the vicinity of the Thames, where, amid the dark, narrow, and filthy lanes and alleys, the Demon of Disease was supposed to have had his nativity, Awe, Terror, and Superstition were alone to be found stalking abroad.
By authority of the king such districts were placed under ban, and all persons forbidden, under pain of death, to intrude upon their dismal solitude. Yet neither the mandate of the monarch, nor the huge barriers erected at the entrances of the streets, nor the prospect of that loathsome death which, with almost absolute certainty, overwhelmed the wretch whom no peril could deter from the adventure, prevented the unfurnished and untenanted dwellings from being stripped, by the hand of nightly rapine, of every article, such as iron, brass, or lead-work, which could in any manner be turned to a profitable account.
Above all, it was usually found, upon the annual winter opening of the barriers, that locks, bolts, and secret cellars had proved but slender protection to those rich stores of wines and liquors which, in consideration of the risk and trouble of removal, many of the numerous dealers having shops in the
-193-
neighbourhood had consented to trust, during the period of exile, to so insufficient security.
But there were very few of the terror-stricken people who attributed these doings to the agency of human hands. Pest-spirits, plague-goblins, and fever-demons were the popular imps of mischief; and tales so blood-chilling were hourly told, that the whole mass of forbidden buildings was, at length, enveloped in terror as in a shroud, and the plunderer himself was often scared away by the horrors his own depredations had created; leaving the entire vast circuit of prohibited district to gloom, silence, pestilence, and death.
It was by one of the terrific barriers already mentioned, and which indicated the region beyond to be under the Pest-ban, that, in scrambling down an alley, Legs and the worthy Hugh Tarpaulin found their progress suddenly impeded. To return was out of the question, and no time was to be lost, as their pursuers were close upon their heels. With thorough-bred seamen to clamber up the roughly fashioned plank-work was a trifle; and maddened with the twofold excitement of exercise and liquor, they leaped unhesitatingly down within the enclosure, and holding on their drunken course with shouts and yellings, were soon bewildered in its noisome and intricate recesses.
Had they not, indeed, been intoxicated beyond moral sense, their reeling footsteps must have been palsied by the horrors of their situation. The air was cold and misty. The paving-stones, loosened from their beds, lay in wild disorder amid the tall, rank grass, which sprang up around the feet and ankles. Fallen houses choked up the streets. The most fetid and poisonous smells everywhere prevailed: and by the aid of that ghastly light which, even at midnight, never fails to emanate from a vapoury and pestilential atmosphere, might be discerned lying in the by-paths and alleys, or rotting in the windowless habitations, the carcass of many a nocturnal plunderer arrested by the hand of the plague in the very perpetration of his robbery.
But it lay not in the power of the images, or sensations, or impediments such as these, to stay the course of men who, naturally brave, and at that time especially, brimful of courage and of 'humming-stuff', would have reeled, as straight as their condition might have permitted, undauntedly into the very jaws of Death. Onward -- still onward stalked the grim Legs, making the desolate solemnity echo and re-echo with yells like the terrific war-whoop of the Indian; and onward, still onward rolled the dumpy Tarpaulin, hanging on to the
-194-
doublet of his more active companion, and far surpassing the latter's most strenuous exertions in the way of vocal music, by bull-roarings in basso, from the profundity of his stentorian lungs.
They had now evidently reached the stronghold of the pestilence. Their way at every step or plunge grew more noisome and more horrible -- the paths more narrow and more intricate. Huge stones and beams falling momently from the decaying roofs above them, gave evidence, by their sullen and heavy descent, of the vast height of the surrounding houses; and while actual exertion became necessary to force a passage through frequent heaps of rubbish, it was by no means seldom that the hand fell upon a skeleton or rested upon a more fleshy corpse.
Suddenly, as the seamen stumbled against the entrance of a tall and ghastly-looking building, a yell more than usually shrill from the throat of the excited Legs, was replied to from within, in a rapid succession of wild, laughter-like, and fiendish shrieks. Nothing daunted at sounds which, of such a nature, at such a time, and in such a place, might have curdled the very blood in hearts less irrevocably on fire, the drunken couple rushed headlong against the door, burst it open, and staggered into the midst of things with a volley of curses.
The room within which they found themselves proved to be the shop of an undertaker; but an open trap-door, in the corner of the floor near the entrance, looked down upon a long range of wine-cellars, whose depths the occasional sound of bursting bottles proclaimed to be well stored with their appropriate contents. In the middle of the room stood a table -- in the centre of which again arose a huge tub of what appeared to be punch. Bottles of various wines and cordials, together with jugs, pitchers, and flagons of every shape and quality, were scattered profusely upon the board. Around it, upon coffin-tressels, was seated a company of six. This company I will endeavour to delineate one by one.
Fronting the entrance, and elevated a little above his companions, sat a personage who appeared to be the president of the table. His stature was gaunt and tall, and Legs was confounded to behold in him a figure more emaciated than himself. His face was as yellow as saffron -- but no feature excepting one alone, was sufficiently marked to merit a particular description. This one consisted in a forehead so unusually and hideously lofty, as to have the appearance of a bonnet or crown of flesh superadded upon the natural head. His mouth was puckered
-195-
and dimpled into an expression of ghastly affability, and his eyes, as indeed the eyes of all at table, were glazed over with the fumes of intoxication. This gentleman was clothed from head to foot in a richly-embroidered black silk-velvet pall, wrapped negligently around his form after the fashion of a Spanish cloak. His head was stuck full of sable hearse-plumes, which he nodded to and fro with a jaunty and knowing air; and, in his right hand, he held a huge human thigh-bone, with which he appeared to have been just knocking down some member of the company for a song.
Opposite him, and with her back to the door, was a lady of no whit less extraordinary character. Although quite as tall as the person just described, she had no right to complain of his unnatural emaciation. She was evidently in the last stage of a dropsy; and her figure resembled nearly that of the huge puncheon of October beer which stood, with the head driven in, close by her side, in a corner of the chamber. Her face was exceedingly round, red, and full; and the same peculiarity, or rather want of peculiarity, attached itself to her countenance, which I before mentioned in the case of the president -- that is to say, only one feature of her face was sufficiently distinguished to need a separate characterization: indeed the acute Tarpaulin immediately observed that the same remark might have applied to each individual person of the party, every one of whom seemed to possess a monopoly of some particular portion of physiognomy. With the lady in question this portion proved to be the mouth. Commencing at the right ear, it swept with a terrific chasm to the left -- the short pendants which she wore in either auricle continually bobbing into the aperture. She made, however, every exertion to keep her mouth closed and look dignified, in a dress consisting of a newly-starched and ironed shroud coming up close under her chin, with a crimpled ruffle of cambric muslin.
At her right hand sat a diminutive young lady whom she appeared to patronize. This delicate little creature, in the trembling of her wasted fingers, in the livid hue of her lips, and in the slight hectic spot which tinged her otherwise leaden complexion, gave evident indications of a galloping consumption. An air of extreme haut ton, however, pervaded her whole appearance; she wore, in a graceful and degage manner, a large and beautiful winding-sheet of the finest India lawn; her hair hung in ringlets over her neck; a soft smile played about her mouth; but her nose, extremely long, thin, sinuous, flexible, and pimpled,
-196-
hung down far below her under-lip, and, in spite of the delicate manner in which she now and then moved it to one side or the other with her tongue, gave to her countenance a somewhat equivocal expression.
Over against her, and upon the left of the dropsical lady, was seated a little puffy, wheezing, and gouty old man, whose cheeks reposed upon the shoulders of their owner, like two huge bladders of Oporto wine. With his arms folded, and with one bandaged leg deposited upon the table, he seemed to think himself entitled to some consideration. He evidently prided himself much upon every inch of his personal appearance, but took more especial delight in calling attention to his gaudy-colored surtout. This, to say the truth, must have cost him no little money, and was made to fit him exceedingly well -- being fashioned from one of the curiously embroidered silken covers appertaining to those glorious escutcheons which, in England and elsewhere, are customarily hung up, in some conspicuous place, upon the dwellings of departed aristocracy.
Next to him, and at the right hand of the president, was a gentleman in long white hose and cotton drawers. His frame shook, in a ridiculous manner, with a fit of what Tarpaulin called 'the horrors'. His jaws, which had been newly shaved, were tightly tied up by a bandage of muslin; and his arms being fastened in a similar way at the wrists, prevented him from helping himself too freely to the liquors upon the table; a precaution rendered necessary, in the opinion of Legs, by the peculiarly sottish and wine-bibbing cast of his visage. A pair of prodigious ears, nevertheless, which it was no doubt found impossible to confine, towered away into the atmosphere of the apartment, and were occasionally pricked up in a spasm at the sound of the drawing of a cork.
Fronting him, sixthly and lastly, was situated a singularly stiff-looking personage, who, being afflicted with paralysis, must, to speak seriously, have felt very ill at ease in his unaccommodating habiliments. He was habited, somewhat uniquely, in a new and handsome mahogany coffin. Its top or head-piece pressed upon the skull of the wearer, and extended over it in the fashion of a hood, giving to the entire face an air of indescribable interest. Arm-holes had been cut in the sides for the sake not more of elegance than of convenience; but the dress, nevertheless, prevented its proprietor from sitting as erect as his associates; and as he lay reclining against his tressel, at an angle of forty-five degrees, a pair of huge goggle eyes rolled up
-197-
their awful whites towards the ceiling in absolute amazement at their own enormity.
Before each of the party lay a portion of a skull, which was used as a drinking-cup. Overhead was suspended a human skeleton, by means of a rope tied round one of the legs and fastened to a ring in the ceiling. The other limb, confined by no such fetter, stuck off from the body at right angles, causing the whole loose and rattling frame to dangle and twirl about at the caprice of every occasional puff of wind which found its way into the apartment. In the cranium of this hideous thing lay a quantity of ignited charcoal, which threw a fitful but vivid light over the entire scene; while coffins, and other wares appertaining to the shop of an undertaker, were piled high up around the room, and against the windows, preventing any ray escaping into the street.
At sight of this extraordinary assembly, and of their still more extraordinary paraphernalia, our two seamen did not conduct themselves with that degree of decorum which might have been expected. Legs, leaning against the wall near which he happened to be standing, dropped his lower jaw still lower than usual, and spread open his eyes to their fullest extent; while Hugh Tarpaulin, stooping down so as to bring his nose upon a level with the table, and spreading out a palm upon either knee, burst into a long, loud, and obstreperous roar of very ill-timed and immoderate laughter.
Without, however, taking offence at behaviour so excessively rude, the tall president smiled very graciously upon the intruders -- nodded to them in a dignified manner with his head of sable plumes -- and, arising, took each by the arm, and led him to a seat which some others of the company had placed in the meantime for his accommodation. Legs to all this offered not the slightest resistance, but sat down as he was directed; while the gallant Hugh, removing his coffin-tressel from its station near the head of the table, to the vicinity of the little consumptive lady in the winding-sheet, plumped down by her side in high glee, and pouring out a skull of red wine, quaffed it to their better acquaintance. But at this presumption the stiff gentleman in the coffin seemed exceedingly nettled; and serious consequences might have ensued, had not the president, rapping upon the table with his truncheon, diverted the attention of all present to the following speech:
'It becomes our duty upon the present happy occasion -- '
'Avast there!' interrupted Legs, looking very serious,
-198-
'avast there a bit, I say, and tell us who the devil ye all are, and what business ye have here, rigged off like the foul fiends, and swilling the snug blue ruin stowed away for the winter by my honest shipmate, Will Wimble, the undertaker!'
At this unpardonable piece of ill-breeding, all the original company half-started to their feet, and uttered the same rapid succession of wild fiendish shrieks which had before caught the attention of the seamen. The president, however, was the first to recover his composure, and at length, turning to Legs with great dignity, recommenced:
'Most willingly will we gratify any reasonable curiosity on the part of guests so illustrious, unbidden though they be. Know then that in these dominions I am monarch, and here rule with undivided empire under the title of "King Pest the First".
'This apartment, which you no doubt profanely suppose to be the shop of Will Wimble the undertaker -- a man whom we know not, and whose plebeian appellation has never before this night thwarted our royal ears -- this apartment, I say, is the Dais-Chamber of our Palace, devoted to the councils of our kingdom, and to other sacred and lofty purposes.
'The noble lady who sits opposite is Queen Pest, our Serene Consort. The other exalted personages whom you behold are all of our family, and wear the insignia of the blood royal under the respective titles of "His Grace the Arch Duke Pest-Iferous" -- "His Grace the Duke Pest-Ilential" -- "His Grace the Duke Tem-Pest" -- and "Her Serene Highness the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest".
'As regards,' continued he, 'your demand of the business upon which we sit here in council, we might be pardoned for replying that it concerns, and concerns alone, our own private and regal interest, and is in no manner important to any other than ourself. But in consideration of those rights to which as guests and strangers you may feel yourselves entitled, we will furthermore explain that we are here this night, prepared by deep research and accurate investigation, to examine, analyse, and thoroughly determine the indefinable spirit -- the incomprehensible qualities and nature -- of those inestimable treasures of the palate, the wines, ales, and liqueurs of this goodly metropolis: by so doing to advance not more our own designs than the true welfare of that unearthly sovereign whose reign is over us all, whose dominions are unlimited, and whose name is "Death".'
-199-
'Whose name is Davy Jones!' ejaculated Tarpaulin, helping the lady by his side to a skull of liqueur, and pouring out a second for himself.
'Profane varlet!' said the president, now turning his attention to the worthy Hugh, 'profane and execrable wretch! -- we have said, that in consideration of those rights which, even in thy filthy person, we feel no inclination to violate, we have condescended to make reply to thy rude and unreasonable inquiries. We nevertheless, for your unhallowed intrusion upon our councils, believe it our duty to mulct thee and thy companion in each a gallon of Black Strap -- having imbibed which to the prosperity of our kingdom -- at a single draught -- and upon your bended knees -- ye shall be forthwith free either to proceed upon your way, or remain and be admitted to the privileges of our table, according to your respective and individual pleasures.'
'It would be a matter of utter impossibility,' replied Legs, whom the assumptions and dignity of King Pest the First had evidently inspired with some feelings of respect, and who arose and steadied himself by the table as he spoke -- 'it would, please your majesty, be a matter of utter impossibility to stow away in my hold even one-fourth party of that same liquor which your majesty has just mentioned. To say nothing of the stuffs placed on board in the forenoon by way of ballast, and not to mention the various ales and liqueurs shipped this evening at various seaports, I have, at present, a full cargo of "humming-stuff" taken in and duly paid for at the sign of the "Jolly Tar". You will, therefore, please your majesty, be so good as to take the will for the deed -- for by no manner of means either can I or will I swallow another drop -- least of all a drop of that villainous bilge-water that answers to the name of "Black Strap".'
'Belay that,' interrupted Tarpaulin, astonished not more at the length of his companion's speech than at the nature of his refusal -- 'Belay that, you lubber! -- and I say, Legs, none of your palaver. My hull is still light, although I confess you yourself seem to be a little top-heavy; and as far as the matter of your share of the cargo, why rather than raise a squall I would find stowage-room for it myself, but -- '
'This proceeding,' interposed the president, 'is by no means in accordance with the terms of the mulct or sentence, which is in its nature Median, and not to be altered or recalled. The conditions we have imposed must be fulfilled to the letter, and that without a moment's hesitation -- in failure of which
-200-
fulfilment we decree that you do here be tied neck and heels together, and duly drowned as rebels in yon hogshead of October beer!'
'A sentence! -- a sentence! -- a righteous and just sentence! -- a glorious decree! -- a most worthy and upright and holy condemnation!' shouted the Pest family together. The king elevated his forehead into innumerable wrinkles; the gouty little old man puffed like a pair of bellows; the lady of the winding-sheet waved her nose to and fro; the gentleman in the cotton drawers pricked up his ears; she of the shroud gasped like a dying fish; and he of the coffin looked stiff and rolled up his eyes.
'Ugh! ugh! ugh!' chuckled Tarpaulin, without heeding the general excitation, 'ugh! ugh! ugh! -- ugh! ugh! ugh! ugh! -- ugh! ugh! ugh! -- I was saying,' said he -- 'I was saying when Mr. King Pest poked in his marlinspike, that as for the matter of two or three gallons more or less of Black Strap, it was a trifle to a tight sea-boat like myself not overstowed -- but when it comes to drinking the health of the Devil (whom God assoilzie) and going down upon my marrow-bones to his ill-favoured majesty there, whom I know, as well as I know myself to be a sinner, to be nobody in the whole world but Tim Hurlygurly the stage-player! -- why! it's quite another guess sort of a thing, and utterly and altogether past my comprehension.'
He was not allowed to finish this speech in tranquility. At the name of Tim Hurlygurly the whole assembly leaped from their seats.
'Treason!' shouted his Majesty King Pest the First.
'Treason!' said the little man with the gout.
'Treason!' screamed the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest.
'Treason!' muttered the gentleman with his jaws tied up.
'Treason!' growled he of the coffin.
'Treason! treason!' shrieked her majesty of the mouth, and, seizing by the hinder part of his breeches the unfortunate Tarpaulin, who had just commenced pouring out for himself a skull of liqueur, she lifted him high into the air, and let him fall without ceremony into the huge open puncheon of his beloved ale. Bobbing up and down, for a few seconds, like an apple in a bowl of toddy, he, at length, finally disappeared amid the whirlpool of foam which, in the already effervescent liquor, his struggles easily succeeded in creating.
Not tamely, however, did the tall seaman behold the discomfiture
-201-
of his companion. Jostling King Pest through the open trap, the valiant Legs slammed the door down upon him with an oath, and strode towards the centre of the room. Here tearing down the skeleton which swung over the table, he laid it about him with so much energy and good-will that, as the last glimpses of light died away within the apartment, he succeeded in knocking out the brains of the little gentleman with the gout. Rushing then with all his force against the fatal hogshead full of October ale and Hugh Tarpaulin, he rolled it over and over in an instant. Out poured a deluge of liquor so fierce -- so impetuous -- so overwhelming -- that the room was flooded from wall to wall -- the loaded table was overturned -- the tressels were thrown upon their backs -- the tub of punch into the fire-place -- and the ladies into hysterics. Piles of death-furniture floundered about. Jugs, pitchers, and carboys mingled promiscuously in the melee, and wicker flagons encountered desperately with bottles of junk. The man with the horrors was drowned upon the spot -- the little stiff gentleman floated off in his coffin -- and the victorious Legs, seizing by the waist the fat lady in the shroud, rushed out with her into the street, and made a bee-line for the Free and Easy, followed under easy sail by the redoubtable Hugh Tarpaulin, who, having sneezed three or four times, panted and puffed after him with the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest.
Edgar Allan Poe's story King Pest (which is, in fact a burlesque of Disraeli's Vivian Grey) aptly summarizes Obama's Nero complex. The White House is the residence of the new King Pest: Barack Obama. I'm sure the guests' jaws will be literally dropping at the President's extravagance.
King Pest
A TALE CONTAINING AN ALLEGORY
The gods do bear and will allow in kings
The things which they abhor in rascal routes.
-- Buckhurst's Tragedy of Ferrex and Porrex
About twelve o'clock, one night in the month of October, and during the chivalrous reign of the third Edward, two seamen belonging to the crew of the Free and Easy, a trading schooner plying between Sluys and the Thames, and then at anchor in that river, were much astonished to find themselves seated in the tap-room of an ale-house in the parish of St Andrews, London -- which ale-house bore for sign the portraiture of a 'Jolly Tar'.
The room, although ill-contrived, smoke-blackened, low-pitched, and in every other respect agreeing with the general character of such places of the period -- was nevertheless, in the opinion of the grotesque groups scattered here and there within it, sufficiently well adapted to its purpose.
Of these groups our two seamen formed, I think,the most interesting, if not the most conspicuous.
The one who appeared to be the elder, and whom his companion
addressed by the characteristic appellation of 'Legs', was at the same time much the taller of the two. He might have measured six feet and a half, and an habitual stoop in the shoulders seemed to have been the necessary consequence of an altitude so enormous. Superfluities in height were, however, more than accounted for by deficiencies in other respects. He was exceedingly thin; and might, as his associates asserted, have answered, when drunk, for a pennant at the mast-head, or, when sober, have served for a jib-boom. But these jests, and others of a similar nature, had evidently produced, at no time, any effect upon the cachinnatory muscles of the tar. With high cheek-bones, a large hawk-nose, retreating chin, fallen under-jaw, and huge protruding white eyes, the expression of his countenance, although tinged with a species of dogged indifference to matters and things in general, was not the less utterly solemn and serious beyond all attempts at imitation or description.
The younger seaman was, in all outward appearance, the converse of his companion. His stature could not have exceeded four feet. A pair of stumpy bow legs supported his squat, unwieldy figure, while his unusually short and thick arms, with no ordinary fists at their extremities, swung off dangling from his sides like the fins of a sea-turtle. Small eyes, of no particular colour, twinkled far back in his head. His nose remained buried in the mass of flesh which enveloped his round, full, and purple face; and his thick upper-lip rested upon the still thicker one beneath with an air of complacent self-satisfaction, much heightened by the owner's habit of licking them at intervals. He evidently regarded his tall shipmate with a feeling half-wondrous half-quizzical; and stared up occasionally in his face as the red setting sun stares up at the crags of Ben Nevis.
Various and eventful, however, had been the peregrinations of the worthy couple in and about the different tap-houses of the neighbourhood during the earlier hours of the night. Funds, even the most ample, are not always everlasting; and it was with empty pockets our friends had ventured upon the present hostelrie.
At the precise period, then, when this history properly commences, Legs, and his fellow, Hugh Tarpaulin, sat, each with both elbows resting upon the large oak table in the middle of the floor, and with a hand upon either cheek. They were eyeing, from behind a huge flagon of unpaid-for 'humming-stuff', the portentous words, 'No Chalk', which to their indignation
and astonishment were scored over the door-way by means of that very mineral whose presence they purported to deny. Not that the gift of deciphering written characters -- a gift among the commonalty of that day considered little less cabalistical than the art of inditing -- could, in strict justice, have been laid to the charge of either disciple of the sea; but there was, to say the truth, a certain twist in the formation of the letters -- an indescribable lee-lurch about the whole -- which foreboded, in the opinion of both seamen, a long run of dirty weather; and determined them at once, in the allegorical words of Legs himself, to 'clew up all sail, and scud before the wind'.
Having accordingly disposed of what remained of the ale, and looped up the points of their short doublets, they finally made a bolt for the street. Although Tarpaulin rolled twice into the fireplace, mistaking it for the door, yet their escape was at length happily effected -- and half after twelve o'clock found our heroes ripe for mischief, and running for life down a dark alley in the direction of St Andrew's Stair, hotly pursued by the landlady of the 'Jolly Tar'.
At the epoch of this eventful tale, and periodically, for many years before and after, all England, but more especially the metropolis, resounded with the fearful cry of 'Plague!' The city was in a great measure depopulated -- and in those horrible regions, in the vicinity of the Thames, where, amid the dark, narrow, and filthy lanes and alleys, the Demon of Disease was supposed to have had his nativity, Awe, Terror, and Superstition were alone to be found stalking abroad.
By authority of the king such districts were placed under ban, and all persons forbidden, under pain of death, to intrude upon their dismal solitude. Yet neither the mandate of the monarch, nor the huge barriers erected at the entrances of the streets, nor the prospect of that loathsome death which, with almost absolute certainty, overwhelmed the wretch whom no peril could deter from the adventure, prevented the unfurnished and untenanted dwellings from being stripped, by the hand of nightly rapine, of every article, such as iron, brass, or lead-work, which could in any manner be turned to a profitable account.
Above all, it was usually found, upon the annual winter opening of the barriers, that locks, bolts, and secret cellars had proved but slender protection to those rich stores of wines and liquors which, in consideration of the risk and trouble of removal, many of the numerous dealers having shops in the
neighbourhood had consented to trust, during the period of exile, to so insufficient security.
But there were very few of the terror-stricken people who attributed these doings to the agency of human hands. Pest-spirits, plague-goblins, and fever-demons were the popular imps of mischief; and tales so blood-chilling were hourly told, that the whole mass of forbidden buildings was, at length, enveloped in terror as in a shroud, and the plunderer himself was often scared away by the horrors his own depredations had created; leaving the entire vast circuit of prohibited district to gloom, silence, pestilence, and death.
It was by one of the terrific barriers already mentioned, and which indicated the region beyond to be under the Pest-ban, that, in scrambling down an alley, Legs and the worthy Hugh Tarpaulin found their progress suddenly impeded. To return was out of the question, and no time was to be lost, as their pursuers were close upon their heels. With thorough-bred seamen to clamber up the roughly fashioned plank-work was a trifle; and maddened with the twofold excitement of exercise and liquor, they leaped unhesitatingly down within the enclosure, and holding on their drunken course with shouts and yellings, were soon bewildered in its noisome and intricate recesses.
Had they not, indeed, been intoxicated beyond moral sense, their reeling footsteps must have been palsied by the horrors of their situation. The air was cold and misty. The paving-stones, loosened from their beds, lay in wild disorder amid the tall, rank grass, which sprang up around the feet and ankles. Fallen houses choked up the streets. The most fetid and poisonous smells everywhere prevailed: and by the aid of that ghastly light which, even at midnight, never fails to emanate from a vapoury and pestilential atmosphere, might be discerned lying in the by-paths and alleys, or rotting in the windowless habitations, the carcass of many a nocturnal plunderer arrested by the hand of the plague in the very perpetration of his robbery.
But it lay not in the power of the images, or sensations, or impediments such as these, to stay the course of men who, naturally brave, and at that time especially, brimful of courage and of 'humming-stuff', would have reeled, as straight as their condition might have permitted, undauntedly into the very jaws of Death. Onward -- still onward stalked the grim Legs, making the desolate solemnity echo and re-echo with yells like the terrific war-whoop of the Indian; and onward, still onward rolled the dumpy Tarpaulin, hanging on to the
doublet of his more active companion, and far surpassing the latter's most strenuous exertions in the way of vocal music, by bull-roarings in basso, from the profundity of his stentorian lungs.
They had now evidently reached the stronghold of the pestilence. Their way at every step or plunge grew more noisome and more horrible -- the paths more narrow and more intricate. Huge stones and beams falling momently from the decaying roofs above them, gave evidence, by their sullen and heavy descent, of the vast height of the surrounding houses; and while actual exertion became necessary to force a passage through frequent heaps of rubbish, it was by no means seldom that the hand fell upon a skeleton or rested upon a more fleshy corpse.
Suddenly, as the seamen stumbled against the entrance of a tall and ghastly-looking building, a yell more than usually shrill from the throat of the excited Legs, was replied to from within, in a rapid succession of wild, laughter-like, and fiendish shrieks. Nothing daunted at sounds which, of such a nature, at such a time, and in such a place, might have curdled the very blood in hearts less irrevocably on fire, the drunken couple rushed headlong against the door, burst it open, and staggered into the midst of things with a volley of curses.
The room within which they found themselves proved to be the shop of an undertaker; but an open trap-door, in the corner of the floor near the entrance, looked down upon a long range of wine-cellars, whose depths the occasional sound of bursting bottles proclaimed to be well stored with their appropriate contents. In the middle of the room stood a table -- in the centre of which again arose a huge tub of what appeared to be punch. Bottles of various wines and cordials, together with jugs, pitchers, and flagons of every shape and quality, were scattered profusely upon the board. Around it, upon coffin-tressels, was seated a company of six. This company I will endeavour to delineate one by one.
Fronting the entrance, and elevated a little above his companions, sat a personage who appeared to be the president of the table. His stature was gaunt and tall, and Legs was confounded to behold in him a figure more emaciated than himself. His face was as yellow as saffron -- but no feature excepting one alone, was sufficiently marked to merit a particular description. This one consisted in a forehead so unusually and hideously lofty, as to have the appearance of a bonnet or crown of flesh superadded upon the natural head. His mouth was puckered
and dimpled into an expression of ghastly affability, and his eyes, as indeed the eyes of all at table, were glazed over with the fumes of intoxication. This gentleman was clothed from head to foot in a richly-embroidered black silk-velvet pall, wrapped negligently around his form after the fashion of a Spanish cloak. His head was stuck full of sable hearse-plumes, which he nodded to and fro with a jaunty and knowing air; and, in his right hand, he held a huge human thigh-bone, with which he appeared to have been just knocking down some member of the company for a song.
Opposite him, and with her back to the door, was a lady of no whit less extraordinary character. Although quite as tall as the person just described, she had no right to complain of his unnatural emaciation. She was evidently in the last stage of a dropsy; and her figure resembled nearly that of the huge puncheon of October beer which stood, with the head driven in, close by her side, in a corner of the chamber. Her face was exceedingly round, red, and full; and the same peculiarity, or rather want of peculiarity, attached itself to her countenance, which I before mentioned in the case of the president -- that is to say, only one feature of her face was sufficiently distinguished to need a separate characterization: indeed the acute Tarpaulin immediately observed that the same remark might have applied to each individual person of the party, every one of whom seemed to possess a monopoly of some particular portion of physiognomy. With the lady in question this portion proved to be the mouth. Commencing at the right ear, it swept with a terrific chasm to the left -- the short pendants which she wore in either auricle continually bobbing into the aperture. She made, however, every exertion to keep her mouth closed and look dignified, in a dress consisting of a newly-starched and ironed shroud coming up close under her chin, with a crimpled ruffle of cambric muslin.
At her right hand sat a diminutive young lady whom she appeared to patronize. This delicate little creature, in the trembling of her wasted fingers, in the livid hue of her lips, and in the slight hectic spot which tinged her otherwise leaden complexion, gave evident indications of a galloping consumption. An air of extreme haut ton, however, pervaded her whole appearance; she wore, in a graceful and degage manner, a large and beautiful winding-sheet of the finest India lawn; her hair hung in ringlets over her neck; a soft smile played about her mouth; but her nose, extremely long, thin, sinuous, flexible, and pimpled,
hung down far below her under-lip, and, in spite of the delicate manner in which she now and then moved it to one side or the other with her tongue, gave to her countenance a somewhat equivocal expression.
Over against her, and upon the left of the dropsical lady, was seated a little puffy, wheezing, and gouty old man, whose cheeks reposed upon the shoulders of their owner, like two huge bladders of Oporto wine. With his arms folded, and with one bandaged leg deposited upon the table, he seemed to think himself entitled to some consideration. He evidently prided himself much upon every inch of his personal appearance, but took more especial delight in calling attention to his gaudy-colored surtout. This, to say the truth, must have cost him no little money, and was made to fit him exceedingly well -- being fashioned from one of the curiously embroidered silken covers appertaining to those glorious escutcheons which, in England and elsewhere, are customarily hung up, in some conspicuous place, upon the dwellings of departed aristocracy.
Next to him, and at the right hand of the president, was a gentleman in long white hose and cotton drawers. His frame shook, in a ridiculous manner, with a fit of what Tarpaulin called 'the horrors'. His jaws, which had been newly shaved, were tightly tied up by a bandage of muslin; and his arms being fastened in a similar way at the wrists, prevented him from helping himself too freely to the liquors upon the table; a precaution rendered necessary, in the opinion of Legs, by the peculiarly sottish and wine-bibbing cast of his visage. A pair of prodigious ears, nevertheless, which it was no doubt found impossible to confine, towered away into the atmosphere of the apartment, and were occasionally pricked up in a spasm at the sound of the drawing of a cork.
Fronting him, sixthly and lastly, was situated a singularly stiff-looking personage, who, being afflicted with paralysis, must, to speak seriously, have felt very ill at ease in his unaccommodating habiliments. He was habited, somewhat uniquely, in a new and handsome mahogany coffin. Its top or head-piece pressed upon the skull of the wearer, and extended over it in the fashion of a hood, giving to the entire face an air of indescribable interest. Arm-holes had been cut in the sides for the sake not more of elegance than of convenience; but the dress, nevertheless, prevented its proprietor from sitting as erect as his associates; and as he lay reclining against his tressel, at an angle of forty-five degrees, a pair of huge goggle eyes rolled up
their awful whites towards the ceiling in absolute amazement at their own enormity.
Before each of the party lay a portion of a skull, which was used as a drinking-cup. Overhead was suspended a human skeleton, by means of a rope tied round one of the legs and fastened to a ring in the ceiling. The other limb, confined by no such fetter, stuck off from the body at right angles, causing the whole loose and rattling frame to dangle and twirl about at the caprice of every occasional puff of wind which found its way into the apartment. In the cranium of this hideous thing lay a quantity of ignited charcoal, which threw a fitful but vivid light over the entire scene; while coffins, and other wares appertaining to the shop of an undertaker, were piled high up around the room, and against the windows, preventing any ray escaping into the street.
At sight of this extraordinary assembly, and of their still more extraordinary paraphernalia, our two seamen did not conduct themselves with that degree of decorum which might have been expected. Legs, leaning against the wall near which he happened to be standing, dropped his lower jaw still lower than usual, and spread open his eyes to their fullest extent; while Hugh Tarpaulin, stooping down so as to bring his nose upon a level with the table, and spreading out a palm upon either knee, burst into a long, loud, and obstreperous roar of very ill-timed and immoderate laughter.
Without, however, taking offence at behaviour so excessively rude, the tall president smiled very graciously upon the intruders -- nodded to them in a dignified manner with his head of sable plumes -- and, arising, took each by the arm, and led him to a seat which some others of the company had placed in the meantime for his accommodation. Legs to all this offered not the slightest resistance, but sat down as he was directed; while the gallant Hugh, removing his coffin-tressel from its station near the head of the table, to the vicinity of the little consumptive lady in the winding-sheet, plumped down by her side in high glee, and pouring out a skull of red wine, quaffed it to their better acquaintance. But at this presumption the stiff gentleman in the coffin seemed exceedingly nettled; and serious consequences might have ensued, had not the president, rapping upon the table with his truncheon, diverted the attention of all present to the following speech:
'It becomes our duty upon the present happy occasion -- '
'Avast there!' interrupted Legs, looking very serious,
'avast there a bit, I say, and tell us who the devil ye all are, and what business ye have here, rigged off like the foul fiends, and swilling the snug blue ruin stowed away for the winter by my honest shipmate, Will Wimble, the undertaker!'
At this unpardonable piece of ill-breeding, all the original company half-started to their feet, and uttered the same rapid succession of wild fiendish shrieks which had before caught the attention of the seamen. The president, however, was the first to recover his composure, and at length, turning to Legs with great dignity, recommenced:
'Most willingly will we gratify any reasonable curiosity on the part of guests so illustrious, unbidden though they be. Know then that in these dominions I am monarch, and here rule with undivided empire under the title of "King Pest the First".
'This apartment, which you no doubt profanely suppose to be the shop of Will Wimble the undertaker -- a man whom we know not, and whose plebeian appellation has never before this night thwarted our royal ears -- this apartment, I say, is the Dais-Chamber of our Palace, devoted to the councils of our kingdom, and to other sacred and lofty purposes.
'The noble lady who sits opposite is Queen Pest, our Serene Consort. The other exalted personages whom you behold are all of our family, and wear the insignia of the blood royal under the respective titles of "His Grace the Arch Duke Pest-Iferous" -- "His Grace the Duke Pest-Ilential" -- "His Grace the Duke Tem-Pest" -- and "Her Serene Highness the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest".
'As regards,' continued he, 'your demand of the business upon which we sit here in council, we might be pardoned for replying that it concerns, and concerns alone, our own private and regal interest, and is in no manner important to any other than ourself. But in consideration of those rights to which as guests and strangers you may feel yourselves entitled, we will furthermore explain that we are here this night, prepared by deep research and accurate investigation, to examine, analyse, and thoroughly determine the indefinable spirit -- the incomprehensible qualities and nature -- of those inestimable treasures of the palate, the wines, ales, and liqueurs of this goodly metropolis: by so doing to advance not more our own designs than the true welfare of that unearthly sovereign whose reign is over us all, whose dominions are unlimited, and whose name is "Death".'
'Whose name is Davy Jones!' ejaculated Tarpaulin, helping the lady by his side to a skull of liqueur, and pouring out a second for himself.
'Profane varlet!' said the president, now turning his attention to the worthy Hugh, 'profane and execrable wretch! -- we have said, that in consideration of those rights which, even in thy filthy person, we feel no inclination to violate, we have condescended to make reply to thy rude and unreasonable inquiries. We nevertheless, for your unhallowed intrusion upon our councils, believe it our duty to mulct thee and thy companion in each a gallon of Black Strap -- having imbibed which to the prosperity of our kingdom -- at a single draught -- and upon your bended knees -- ye shall be forthwith free either to proceed upon your way, or remain and be admitted to the privileges of our table, according to your respective and individual pleasures.'
'It would be a matter of utter impossibility,' replied Legs, whom the assumptions and dignity of King Pest the First had evidently inspired with some feelings of respect, and who arose and steadied himself by the table as he spoke -- 'it would, please your majesty, be a matter of utter impossibility to stow away in my hold even one-fourth party of that same liquor which your majesty has just mentioned. To say nothing of the stuffs placed on board in the forenoon by way of ballast, and not to mention the various ales and liqueurs shipped this evening at various seaports, I have, at present, a full cargo of "humming-stuff" taken in and duly paid for at the sign of the "Jolly Tar". You will, therefore, please your majesty, be so good as to take the will for the deed -- for by no manner of means either can I or will I swallow another drop -- least of all a drop of that villainous bilge-water that answers to the name of "Black Strap".'
'Belay that,' interrupted Tarpaulin, astonished not more at the length of his companion's speech than at the nature of his refusal -- 'Belay that, you lubber! -- and I say, Legs, none of your palaver. My hull is still light, although I confess you yourself seem to be a little top-heavy; and as far as the matter of your share of the cargo, why rather than raise a squall I would find stowage-room for it myself, but -- '
'This proceeding,' interposed the president, 'is by no means in accordance with the terms of the mulct or sentence, which is in its nature Median, and not to be altered or recalled. The conditions we have imposed must be fulfilled to the letter, and that without a moment's hesitation -- in failure of which
fulfilment we decree that you do here be tied neck and heels together, and duly drowned as rebels in yon hogshead of October beer!'
'A sentence! -- a sentence! -- a righteous and just sentence! -- a glorious decree! -- a most worthy and upright and holy condemnation!' shouted the Pest family together. The king elevated his forehead into innumerable wrinkles; the gouty little old man puffed like a pair of bellows; the lady of the winding-sheet waved her nose to and fro; the gentleman in the cotton drawers pricked up his ears; she of the shroud gasped like a dying fish; and he of the coffin looked stiff and rolled up his eyes.
'Ugh! ugh! ugh!' chuckled Tarpaulin, without heeding the general excitation, 'ugh! ugh! ugh! -- ugh! ugh! ugh! ugh! -- ugh! ugh! ugh! -- I was saying,' said he -- 'I was saying when Mr. King Pest poked in his marlinspike, that as for the matter of two or three gallons more or less of Black Strap, it was a trifle to a tight sea-boat like myself not overstowed -- but when it comes to drinking the health of the Devil (whom God assoilzie) and going down upon my marrow-bones to his ill-favoured majesty there, whom I know, as well as I know myself to be a sinner, to be nobody in the whole world but Tim Hurlygurly the stage-player! -- why! it's quite another guess sort of a thing, and utterly and altogether past my comprehension.'
He was not allowed to finish this speech in tranquility. At the name of Tim Hurlygurly the whole assembly leaped from their seats.
'Treason!' shouted his Majesty King Pest the First.
'Treason!' said the little man with the gout.
'Treason!' screamed the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest.
'Treason!' muttered the gentleman with his jaws tied up.
'Treason!' growled he of the coffin.
'Treason! treason!' shrieked her majesty of the mouth, and, seizing by the hinder part of his breeches the unfortunate Tarpaulin, who had just commenced pouring out for himself a skull of liqueur, she lifted him high into the air, and let him fall without ceremony into the huge open puncheon of his beloved ale. Bobbing up and down, for a few seconds, like an apple in a bowl of toddy, he, at length, finally disappeared amid the whirlpool of foam which, in the already effervescent liquor, his struggles easily succeeded in creating.
Not tamely, however, did the tall seaman behold the discomfiture
of his companion. Jostling King Pest through the open trap, the valiant Legs slammed the door down upon him with an oath, and strode towards the centre of the room. Here tearing down the skeleton which swung over the table, he laid it about him with so much energy and good-will that, as the last glimpses of light died away within the apartment, he succeeded in knocking out the brains of the little gentleman with the gout. Rushing then with all his force against the fatal hogshead full of October ale and Hugh Tarpaulin, he rolled it over and over in an instant. Out poured a deluge of liquor so fierce -- so impetuous -- so overwhelming -- that the room was flooded from wall to wall -- the loaded table was overturned -- the tressels were thrown upon their backs -- the tub of punch into the fire-place -- and the ladies into hysterics. Piles of death-furniture floundered about. Jugs, pitchers, and carboys mingled promiscuously in the melee, and wicker flagons encountered desperately with bottles of junk. The man with the horrors was drowned upon the spot -- the little stiff gentleman floated off in his coffin -- and the victorious Legs, seizing by the waist the fat lady in the shroud, rushed out with her into the street, and made a bee-line for the Free and Easy, followed under easy sail by the redoubtable Hugh Tarpaulin, who, having sneezed three or four times, panted and puffed after him with the Arch Duchess Ana-Pest.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Exclusive Thingumbob Interview
This just in from Times Online:
Barack Obama upstaged by scurrying rodent
Thingumbob Esq. is pleased to announce an impromptu interview with said rodent on the fly. When asked for his impression of the President, the rodent was heard to mutter, "I think I smell a rat." When questioned for further comment he replied, "I can't stop. This place stinks. I'm outa here."
Update: It now appears that this aforesaid rodent may have been carrying a listening device for Representative Darrell Issa for several investigations he is pushing.
Update: It now appears that this aforesaid rodent may have been carrying a listening device for Representative Darrell Issa for several investigations he is pushing.
The Truth About the Information Age
Today's headline:
HP researchers say manure could help power data centers
Our take:
Manure in--manure out...
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Reply to Walter Russel Meade's Anti Global Warming Screed
There is another Greek term which quite aptly applies to the foregoing screed on this blog: Delphic. It misdirects the poor, misguided “rabble” in much the same way as they are shackled in Plato’s myth of the cave. It pretends to be oracular like those priests of Delphi, when in actual fact it is only babbling on about the illusory shadows cast on the cave wall. There is the malodorous whiff of a Karl Popper-like enraged hatred of Plato that pervades this blog.
The truth is that our “Republic” was set up as the rule of the wise. But the wise are not the oligarchs that whipped up the rabble for Socrates’ judicial murder on the specious charge that he was blaspheming the gods (who, of course, were made in the image of those very same capricious oligarchs that hated Socrates.) The wise are not the Harvard Boston Brahmins, who along with their British kissing cousins traded in opium and grew wealthy on their ill gotten gains. Their heirs are today’s one worlders and radical environmentalists, just as in the past they were the back to nature Boston Brahmin sponsored transcendental “frogpondians,” to use Edgar Alan Poe’s term.
Mr Swift not only saw through the control of faked”science” by them in his tale of Laputa, he also saw through their control over politics with their tactic of setting the populace at each others throats over nothing more than which side of the egg they chose to crack. This is what the Lilliputians were going to war over. This is the tactic of creating a gang and a counter gang. Like Kitson’s Mau Mau operation.
So, while it is quite the truth that global warming is junk science like the Laputans carried out. We must not fall into the Delphic snare of irrational populist hatred of true science. For the truth is that it is the destiny of humanity to defeat today’s would be Olympian gods that hate the Promethean nature of science to transform society by uplifting the standard of living of the “rabble’” through ever more breakthroughs in discovery and control of energy dense technologies. Today that means nuclear energy from a virtually unlimited supply of thorium, tomorrow it means thermonuclear fusion. Farther down along the road we will discover how to control matter/anti-matter reactions.
The truth is that our “Republic” was set up as the rule of the wise. But the wise are not the oligarchs that whipped up the rabble for Socrates’ judicial murder on the specious charge that he was blaspheming the gods (who, of course, were made in the image of those very same capricious oligarchs that hated Socrates.) The wise are not the Harvard Boston Brahmins, who along with their British kissing cousins traded in opium and grew wealthy on their ill gotten gains. Their heirs are today’s one worlders and radical environmentalists, just as in the past they were the back to nature Boston Brahmin sponsored transcendental “frogpondians,” to use Edgar Alan Poe’s term.
Mr Swift not only saw through the control of faked”science” by them in his tale of Laputa, he also saw through their control over politics with their tactic of setting the populace at each others throats over nothing more than which side of the egg they chose to crack. This is what the Lilliputians were going to war over. This is the tactic of creating a gang and a counter gang. Like Kitson’s Mau Mau operation.
So, while it is quite the truth that global warming is junk science like the Laputans carried out. We must not fall into the Delphic snare of irrational populist hatred of true science. For the truth is that it is the destiny of humanity to defeat today’s would be Olympian gods that hate the Promethean nature of science to transform society by uplifting the standard of living of the “rabble’” through ever more breakthroughs in discovery and control of energy dense technologies. Today that means nuclear energy from a virtually unlimited supply of thorium, tomorrow it means thermonuclear fusion. Farther down along the road we will discover how to control matter/anti-matter reactions.
Friday, May 14, 2010
The Truth About Sovereign Debt Bailouts
Random Noise or Crosstalk? God Still Doesn't Shoot Pool.
Here is an elegant insight that solves the apparent noise of random stochastics of pure chance at the biological signalling domain. Bravo!
Decision Making at a Subcellular Level Determines the Outcome of Bacteriophage Infection
- Summary
- Introduction
- Results
- Discussion
- Exp. Proc.
- Data
- References
- Supp. Info.
- Related Info.
- Comments (0)
- Graphical Abstract
- Highlights
- Each infecting λ phage makes an independent choice between lysis and lysogeny
- Cell lysogeny is pursued only if all infecting phages choose that fate
- The observed single-cell phenotype is much noisier than that of the single phage
- Summary
- When the process of cell-fate determination is examined at single-cell resolution, it is often observed that individual cells undergo different fates even when subject to identical conditions. This “noisy” phenotype is usually attributed to the inherent stochasticity of chemical reactions in the cell. Here we demonstrate how the observed single-cell heterogeneity can be explained by a cascade of decisions occurring at the subcellular level. We follow the postinfection decision in bacteriophage lambda at single-virus resolution, and show that a choice between lysis and lysogeny is first made at the level of the individual virus. The decisions by all viruses infecting a single cell are then integrated in a precise (noise-free) way, such that only a unanimous vote by all viruses leads to the establishment of lysogeny. By detecting and integrating over the subcellular “hidden variables,” we are able to predict the level of noise measured at the single-cell level.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Bankers In Euphoric Orgy: "Just Give Us the Dough, To Hell With Society"
Sunday, May 09, 2010
A Classic Case of Manipulation of Misplaced Rage
The NY Post headline has a clarion tone this morning meant to enrage its dupe readers by misdirecting their palpable ire at Greece. "We're bailing out Greece--but US taxpayers shouldn't be" it screams. What a joke. As I point out in my retort:
What all the articles about Greece conveniently fail to mention is that the bailout will pass right through Greece to the creditor banks. Just like the $100 billion for AIG wound up in the pockets of financier bucket shop fraudsters like Goldman Sucks. I say put these international gambling casinos derivatives through chapter 11. Force through an international Glass Steagall now! The solution: Go back to sovereign fixed currencies and issue national credits for large scale infrastructure projects, etc.
Or you can't fool all the people all of the time. Seems like almost every Post I survey these days has been despoiled by the vagrant dogs of the press.
What all the articles about Greece conveniently fail to mention is that the bailout will pass right through Greece to the creditor banks. Just like the $100 billion for AIG wound up in the pockets of financier bucket shop fraudsters like Goldman Sucks. I say put these international gambling casinos derivatives through chapter 11. Force through an international Glass Steagall now! The solution: Go back to sovereign fixed currencies and issue national credits for large scale infrastructure projects, etc.
Or you can't fool all the people all of the time. Seems like almost every Post I survey these days has been despoiled by the vagrant dogs of the press.
Saturday, May 08, 2010
Principled Vampires Need More Blood
The latest headline about Goldman Sachs perhaps reveals more than it would seem on the surface of things. Viz:"Blankfein Says Goldman Must Renew Core Principles" This reminds one of nothing so much as of the old gag about the literary difference between a shyster and a rooster who always clucks defiance.
Pseudoscience Mockery
Bladeless wind turbine inspired by Tesla
May 7, 2010 by Lisa Zyga
(Left) The bladeless wind turbine, and (right) the stack of disks which rotate and are connected to a shaft. Image credit: Solar Aero.
(PhysOrg.com) -- A bladeless wind turbine whose only rotating component is a turbine/driveshaft could generate power at a cost comparable to coal-fired power plants, according to its developers at Solar Aero. The New Hampshire-based company recently announced its patent on the Fuller wind turbine, which is an improvement on a patent issued to Nikola Tesla in 1913.
If one Googles Lisa Zyga one finds an astonishing array of the most arrant balderdash imaginable. This persona is obviously a hoaxer. For instance, "Scientists model words as entangled quantum states in our minds." Mr E.A. Poe gave us a number of such pranks in his day.
But then again, as the narrator, Cide Hamete Benegeli, of Don Quixote often fondly quoted Avicenna as saying: "The whole world is crazy." For instance, compare how Hawking's latest reveries on hostile aliens and time warps puts him in the same league with Newton's alchemical ravings that Keynes (quite the madman in his own right, you understand) unearthed.
Friday, May 07, 2010
More Anti-science Quackery
Statistical Physics Offers Insight Into Moral Behavior
May 6, 2010 by Miranda Marquit
(PhysOrg.com) -- It seems a little strange for statistical physicists to consider questions of morality in behavior. However, that is is just what a study at ETH in Zurich, Switzeralnd, is doing. Led by Dirk Helbing, the study used game theory to consider how moral behavior arises from interactions with neighbors. Instead of moral behavior developing from an individual's interactions with society as a whole, Helbing's group discovered that there is a good chance that interactions with the individuals nearest to a person lead to the development of moral behavior.This is a laughable monstrosity of an "experiment." It is merely a rehashing of Adam Smith's moral relativism. Which is to say that mankind cannot take responsibility for the outcome of its primal drives. This is nothing but an apology for the immorality of an oligarchical elite (technocrats in today's vernacular) having its way with a bovine-like, brutish populace. It is the opposite of why America's constitutional republic was founded. We Americans, at least during our best administrations have been governed by the principle that future generations should hold us morally responsible for providing a legacy of something better... This has been the motto of immigrants to these shores from before our revolution. This reported sociological drivel is a mockery of true science.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Stephen Hawking: You're No Einstein!
Hostile aliens and time travel through wormholes. Ahem... Really? Dear professor and Royal Society member, I'm afraid if you don't get a grip soon, you'll end up burying amulets in your back yard to invoke chaos magic just like your "illustrious" predecessor Sir Isaac.
The Value of Money: All That Glitters Is Not Gold
Query: If a record $106.5 million is paid for a Picasso supposedly "depicting" a "nude and bust" childishly scrawled in a day by the obviously imbalanced "artist," what is the value of money to the crowd of financiers who prize such dross?
The answer is just this: They will burn one hundred million dollars on a lark one day and the next force thousands out of their homes and into the streets all in the name of fiscal responsibility. All honorable and upright citizens, you understand, it goes without saying.
The answer is just this: They will burn one hundred million dollars on a lark one day and the next force thousands out of their homes and into the streets all in the name of fiscal responsibility. All honorable and upright citizens, you understand, it goes without saying.
Atheism Versus Intelligent Design: Another Dog and Pony Show
This so called debate here is inconsequential because both sides are looking for proof or disproof of some mechanism of divinity. Very sad. The human mind's historically verifiable increasing power over nature is a non mechanistic proof that that selfsame willful human creativity is uniquely sui generis. This is the truth in the biblical injunction that man take dominion over nature. Today that signifies the mission of colonizing space. Beyond that, all this dog and pony show of atheism versus intelligent design is so much unintelligible blather.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
The Ugly Truth About Paul Krugman
So the Nobel laureate opines today thusly:
Consider what Greece would get if it simply stopped paying any interest or principal on its debt. All it would have to do then is run a zero primary deficit — taking in as much in taxes as it spends on things other than interest on its debt. But here’s the thing: Greece is currently running a huge primary deficit — 8.5 percent of GDP in 2009. So even a complete debt default wouldn’t save Greece from the necessity of savage fiscal austerity.An astute blogger shoots back:
Mr. Krugman your world view is full of debt slavery.
Greece should leave the tyrannical European Union and then if it wishes can devalue their currency but not too much.I respond:
Precisely correct on Krugman's worldview. When he utters "the necessity of savage fiscal austerity," you can almost imagine the fangs emerging from his dracula-like bloodlust. This is the type of mentality which is caused by the ideology of monetarism, i.e. the worship of money as an end unto itself. Thanks for being so forthright as to exhibit your true inner self Mr. Krugman. Bravo.
P.S. The NY Slimes hasn't seen fit to post my remarks on the venereal pages. I can only take this to understand that I must have violated their abuse policy. Perhaps I was too hard on Count Dracula...
Monday, May 03, 2010
Greek Crisis
The Weimar style austerity regime being forced upon Greece is a harbinger of the agenda of the IMF regime for all so-called advanced nations. This is the financial pandemic that your friends at Goldman, et al are spreading around the globe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)