Today's Elites

Saturday, September 06, 2008

FLASH: Theorists spot Hidden Dimensions

It has come to my attention that the notorious blackboard photo of the PAMELA satellite's data does not merely further validate dark matter WIMP parameters. It seems that after a late night confabulation the two distinguished professors Drs. Kraus and Scherrer, to whom I have so lately delivered my heartfelt panegyrics, have lit upon a remarkable discovery. To wit, by a new technique of information neural network fuzzy logic coupled with a reversed cloaking superluminal device, they have retrieved the reverse side of said blackboard, where it turns out there is proof positive of the postulated hidden (until now) dimensions of string theory! The reason that this has remained under wraps for now is that given the current meltdown of the derivatives markets this could put the kibosh on any further funding for the Large Hadron Collider, since its raison d'etre is now in doubt. Therefore, don't expect to see a paper on the arXiv from our two illustrious protagonists, it has been embargoed indefinitely. Alas.

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